


Vantablack

by Davechicken



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: ? - Freeform, Crack, If you have not yet guessed this is, Implied Kapoor/Semple, M/M, Pre-Slash, Vantablack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-15 13:06:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9236435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/pseuds/Davechicken
Summary: On the troubles with co-commanders.





	

Hux frowns. “What do you mean, it’s ‘Restricted’?”

“I’m sorry, Sir.”  


“Is there some ordinance? Some… reason?”  


“There’s a blanket ban on black and black-adjacent colours.”  


Black-adjacent. “You mean grey?”

“I mean very dark, almost-black shades, Sir. They cannot be used to create uniforms.”  


“But the Empire had _Death Troopers_.” And there’s no reason he can see why they’ve been withdrawn. Sure, there’s no Red because those had been the Emperor’s own, but _black_?  


“It’s… uh. It says that only Knights of Ren can…”  


“KYLO. REN.” He did this. That monster.  


***

“I respectfully request you lift the restriction on the colour black in clothing regulations,” Hux says, although there is not much respect in his tone.  


“No.”  


That wasn’t what Hux planned for. “But I need it.”

“You don’t.”   


But he does. “I do.”

“You have every other colour, Hux. And you use white anyway.”  


“I want - I want to differentiate.”  


“So use yellow.”  


“I can’t have _yellow_ troopers, Ren, be sensible!”  


“You don’t need black, and I do, so that’s the end of the discussion.”  


Kylo walks off, and Hux is left fuming.

How dare he! Black is useful! It’s not like they need to camouflage, but black has a certain… deadliness to it. A certain sleekness. He wants his distinguished troopers to wear black, and Ren is just being petty. The man doesn’t even wear ‘true’ black, it’s all slightly off-shades.

This will not do.

***

“What do you think you’re doing?”   


“Hmmm?” Hux feigns disinterest.  


“This morning I had _dry_ cereal. And then I had _clear_ jello for dinner.”  


“Yes, and?”  


“Hux, where is my food?”  


“Well, you see, I’ve made sure the colour of blue that milk is is put aside for First Order use, not Knight of Ren use. And the same goes for the shade of green your jello comes in. You can use water on your cereal and the jello is still flavoured.”  


“YOU CAN’T BAN FOOD.”  


“No? I believe I can, and I have.”  


“This is not the end of this.”  


“I’m prepared to negotiate.”  


“I’ll negotiate with you in _hell_.”  


***

Hux stares at his datapad, and then the readouts. All the Aurebesh letters are now in shades of milk-blue or jello-green, not black. For the love of… fine. If he wants to be that petty.

In a way, he’s almost impressed he could pull this trick off, but he also is getting a headache, so the impression doesn’t last long.

He manages through the day, and then goes to bed.

The lights are supposed to go off when he climbs in. They do not. “Lights: off,” he commands, and waits.

Nope.

Up, and he presses the switch. He’ll get Maintenance to… why isn’t the switch working?

“REN,” he screams down the comm. “WHY ARE MY LIGHTS STUCK ON?”  


“Darkness is now the sole property of the Knights of Ren.”  


“YOU CAN’T PATENT DARKNESS.”  


“You can sleep in the Light. You’re welcome.”  


“I can just cover my eyes! You can’t stop me seeing black!”  


“If you do, you will be in violation of my agreement with the Leader, and I will sue you.”  


“KYLO REN I WILL MURDER YOU SO HARD YOU WISH YOU HAD NEVER BEEN BORN.”  


“Sweet dreams.” Click.  


***

Hux stands on the bridge, smirking. “Thank you, Captain.”

He can see Kylo staring, and that’s the point.

“What is that?”  


“You mean my Captain?” Hux coos.  


“Why is it like that?”  


“I found a colour for her better than black.”  


“You can’t have a _chromium_ trooper!”  


“I can, and I do.”  


Hux grins. He’s almost certainly won. (This round, at least.) He checks how soon the order of eye-masks (in lovely shades of blue) will take to arrive for his officers. Not long at all.


End file.
